Stupid Things That Would Happen If I Won Powerball


Powerball mania has taken over the country!  The jackpot is currently at $900 million dollars.  (For whatever reason, I’m reminded of that scene from Austin Powers)  Now — lets do some math — after taxes, if you live in the state of California you could walk away with a lump sum of $418,500,000 or 30 payments a year of $22,500,000 for a total of $675,000,000.  More money than a majority of folks would see in a lifetime unless you are Oprah.

I’m sure everyone is day dreaming of what to do with all of that money — but more importantly my mind ends up wandering about what stupid things that would happen if I won.  Here we go —

  • Go into work naked — just because I can.
  • Write a book on the detailed strategies for winning lotteries.
  • Promise a big trip to a bunch of people and hate it because I actually didn’t like those people.
  • Probably buy a boat and then hire people to use it because I hate boats.
  • I would try to Facebook friend other rich people because we would have something to talk about.
  • Have a ski lift installed from my house in Danville to the top of Squaw
  • Build a Safeway as an extension of my house so I never have to go grocery shopping ever again
  • Convert to Judaism so that can have Phish play at my bar mitzvah I never had
  • I would buy Costco so that I’d never have to excuse myself to get past  someone trying to feed their entire family via Costco samples.
  • I would hire the cast of “Full House” to work on my farm to care for my alpacas
  • Would buy two 17k Apple Watches — one for my arm and one for my ankle. Ya never know how often i might need to know the time as I tie my shoe.
  • Build a Scrooge McDuck money bin and then realize its super hard to swim in gold.
  • Buy many billboards on 101 that says “Renato is One Hella Cool Dude”
  • Buy the New England Patriots so you can fire Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. Then make the team play all their games in Manila, Philippines all season long.
  • Build a Lego Star Destroyer the size of an airplane.
  • Hire Steph curry to do his warm-up drills every morning as I drink coffee.
  • Hire a Starbucks barista to follow me around.
  • Hire Harrison Ford to drive me around in a car that looks like the Millennium Falcon.
  • Play basketball with Obama and then we take my ski lift to Squaw
  • Go to Las Vegas with the cast of The Hangover.
  • Hire Kramer from Seinfeld to be my neighbor.
  • Put caviar on my In and out burger.
  • Eliminate daylight saving time.

I’ve acquired my tickets because — well, because why not?

Good luck to everyone!